Have you ever had sunburn so bad that you feel like crawling out of your skin? Well I did a couple of days ago and to say that I learned my lesson well would be a huge understatement, as I would never ever do again what I did that day. I hope.

It being summer and all, the genius in me decided to go to the beach and take a little sun on a whim. I decided it was perfectly alright to go, even if I haven’t had any sunscreen available. I just got a towel and drove to the beach. I was wearing Hawaiian shorts that time by the way. So I was with no food, no umbrella, no clothes, nothing. Besides, it’s not on a whim anymore if I prepared for it, I told myself. So off to the beach I went with my towel.

I arrived at the beach expecting a bright sunny day but all I saw were dark clouds hovering all over the place. So I sat near an old couple thinking I should wait this one out and that the sun would come out eventually, its summer right?

An hour passed and still no sun in sight. The elderly gentleman on my right was already sleeping and his wife was reading a book. A cool wind was blowing and the skies were overcast so I decided that it’d be great if I took a nap while waiting for the sun to come out. I was not going anywhere until I got my sun, so I unfurled my towel neatly, stretched my body belly down, and slept I did.

I woke up with a gentle nudge from the old man who said that they were about to leave and that vinegar for sunburn works wonders, he added. Half awake, I smiled and waved goodbye at them. I kept thinking about what the old man said about sunburn and thought that maybe it was just a dream or something. I was about to go back to sleep but I felt a little hot so I turned.

I turned to a light so bright it almost blinded me. It’s like the heavens opened up and the angels were coming to get me or something. But I felt really hot, is heaven this hot? Not only that, I didn’t really managed to do a full turn as my back won’t allow me to. In fact I can’t really move without some part of my body screaming in pain. I looked at my watch and was shocked that I’ve been sleeping for almost two and a half hours.

I slept more than two hours under the sun, two hours cooking my back to a tender crisp, how did I not wake up from all that heat? Well done, that’s how my back was as second degree sunburn, similar to what is describe here, seemed to be the order of the day. I got up fearful of my car and of how am I going to drive home in that condition. The whole of my back down to the back of my legs were hurting. How am I going to get myself home?

But I did make it home. That day I will remember for a long time as it was also the day I managed to break my cursing record. I was spewing obscenities non-stop on my drive home that it would make Eminem shy. I am not going to the beach in the near future and that I am very sure of.